Video is courtesy of the Mona Carrington – Victim, Writer, Victor YouTube channel Click on this link to visit Mona’s blog called Victims of Liars & Cheats.
Updated but not new.
I met “mine” on an online dating site.
It didn’t take long to know something was off right from the start.
His name was spelled different.
He listed he was 10 years younger than he really was.
He listed a town NEXT to the town he is from.
Those were all #1 red flags.
The #2 red flag happened 2 months into my roller coaster in Hell when he fell asleep while we were making love.
I told him it hurt and when he left the room, I waited about a half an hour to go tell him “it was ok” but, he was GONE!
That was an odd way to handle the situation.
What’s worse is….I spent the entire next day trying to find him.
I knew the county, about 45 minutes from my house, but that was about it.
Many hours later (yes, how pathetic was I) I found where he worked and we reconnected (not by him apologizing~more like ME apologizing for being “hurt”) and on we went.
The next 3 years are all just “typical Sociopath Behavior.”
We fought, rather he’d RAGE, about every other week and we’d get back together every other week.
No explaining needed to be done on his part cause HEY, he was the answer to my prayers and I DID pathetically, treat him as a God Given Gift.
(It makes me CRINGE typing that!!)
In the course of that 3 years, he borrowed and owed me money to the tune of about $5,000.
Once, he gave me a check for $1,200 and I told him I’d wait awhile to cash it.
When I did about 3 weeks later, he RAGED!
Trying to get that money back was fruitless as he forgot ALL the dates and amounts I recorded so every time I’d bring it up, he’d RAGE!
In June of 2013, I totaled my car (thank goodness(?) and he gave me his which of course, he said was worth WAY more than $5,000 when in reality, it was about $2,000 but because I NEEDED a car at that time and it was a good looking car, it WAS worth $5,000 to me for the time I needed it.
SO many other things happened in that 3 years that I could list but they are SO TEXT-BOOK it makes me CRINGE!
Especially because I had him pegged for a Sociopath about a year into our 5.5 years together but it did NOT MATTER TO ME!
When things were GOOD, they were GREAT!
I told him I knew he was one and his reply was, “Well then, what does that make YOU?” and so I switched the Google searched from HIS Sociopathic ways to MY CO DEPENDENCY!
Again~I didn’t CARE if we were what we were.
Again, when things were GOOD, they were GREAT!
I never had such good times doing things and going out and the talks we had were so meaningful and the sex was to die for!!
He was my Soul-Mate.
He moved in with me in April of 2014 and he lived for FREE until HE left in June of 2016.
In those 2 years, I could count on one hand, the RAGES and SILENT TREATMENTS.
I SWORE, I WAS the Sociopath Whisperer!!!
Even when my GUT was telling me things, my BFF would logically say how he was there for my brother’s suicide, my Mom’s cancer and death of pancreatic cancer, my bouts with bad driving that COULD have landed me in PRISON….SO MANY THINGS he was THERE for so how could I possibly CARE that he didn’t pay anything to live with me or even have him TRY to get a job.
When I left my X, I was so alone, I wanted to invent a RENT-A-FRIEND service so I cold get out and DO things.
Well, that’s what he ended up being.
He was my Chef, my Chauffeur, my Therapist, my Shoulder, my Confidant, my House Cleaner and Sex man.
Allowing him to live here for FREE meant to me I WAS paying for HIM to BE those things and I’d reason that I’d be paying those bills with or without him and I’d take WITH HIM over withOUT ANY day!
In the end, we went from having sex (I’d call it making LOVE but I know that’s NOT what it was to him), everyday/every OTHER day to WEEKS and then MONTHS without.
I’d talk to him about it and we’d BOTH be in agreeance that times were just “stressful” and we’ll get it all back when things WEREN’T so “stressful.
We had sex in March on my B-Day and then again 2 months later and then not at all when I brought something up to make him RUN.
I told him, “I’m not sure about YOUR 1st marriage but MINE was text-book to what is happening with us. Hit the 5 year mark (for us that was January 2016) the fucking stops, the touching stops, the doing talking stops and then th doing things together stops. The only problem with US is that the next move would be someone leaving and sadly, MY name is on the lease.”
I was crying because this was something I thought we’d WORK on.
I NEVER saw him packing for 5 hours and actually LEAVING as an OPTION!
Especially because he’s losing his house because of unpaid back taxes.
(He lost his business because he failed to pay he rent, a year earlier and we got through that.)
I couldn’t believe he was leaving a FREE roof to a roof that he had to sell.
(It’s a 1 time deal that he can sell it and if it’s not sold by February 2017, it will be foreclosed.)
2 days after he left, I went to his house as he of course, didn’t answer or take calls or texts and I hugged him and told him I wanted him to come home.
He said, “Really?” and I knew he’d be coming back with me that night.
We went out to eat and I was under the impression that all he needed to do was clean his house for the realtor to take pictures so I took the plunge and offered to pay the back taxes.
When we came back, I asked to see int he house and I freaked.
He didn’t even START picking it up (he’s a HOARDER-BIG time) and I knew he was putting no effort into getting it ready and that I was his ticket not to have to.
He knew for a LONG time he needed to pay the back taxes and he never even TRIED to sell anything or make any payments with his odds and ends jobs.
He DID come back with me that night and slept FINE while I was up ALL NIGHT knowing I’d have to retract that offer in the morning.
When I DID, all he said was OK.
I left for work and hour later and we kissed good-bye and HE said I love you FIRST.
I KNEW in my GUT he’d be gone when I got home.
I waited 8 days and went and tried it again.
Drove to his house and asked him to come “home” and asked what I could do to help him get the house ready but this time he RAGED at me!
“HELP ME!? HOW WOULD YOU DO THAT? YOU OFFERED ME MONEY AND FLIP-FLOPPED AND SAID NO! WE’RE DONE. I’M TIRED OF OWING PEOPLE MONEY AND HAVING PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF ME. I NEED TO DO THINGS DIFFERENT AND THAT MEAN WITHOUT YOU!!”
I left SPEECHLESS.
It’s been 7 weeks and I have lost 10 pounds.
I’m 5’4″ and 90 pounds SOAKING WET!
(I’m slowly getting my appetite back and forcing myself to eat and have gained 3 pounds so far.)
He sends me a text here and there RAGING at me but wanting the 9 garbage bags of clothes he left here.
Maybe I’ll offer to meet him at a Police Station for the exchange~I’m not sure as I haven’t thought too much about it.
I’m VERY proud that I have FINALLY did the NC unlike the 384 other times he left me!
He lost a front tooth a few months back, he lost his place of business a year ago and he’s losing his house.
I know there is a GOD that made HIM leave ME as I would have NEVER been able to kick an unemployed homeless toothless man out and I’d have been STUCK with him the rest of my/his LIFE!
Of course I battled with myself wondering if I’d rather do THAT and have what I THOUGHT was my best friend back but that was too low for even ME to go.
I am reading everyone else’s storys and that has helped me GREATLY with my decision.
I follow a few blogs but this one HAS been my Savior for SURE!!
To explain another point about mine and his sociopathic ways~
Although I stated that he is losing his house, it’s far from his.
His X got the house when they divorced in the late 90’s.
The day of the divorce, she called later that night and asked if HE wanted to buy it from her.
He asked his Dad and his DAD bought it from HIS X and HE was to pay his DAD back.
No more needs to be said other than the pay back never happened/happens with ANY Sociopath no matter what the relationship .
Around 2001, the SP needed a loan for a lift or so he said to his Dad, and basically manipulated his Dad into signing a paper saying that he paid for and owns the house so it would look better and help aid him in getting the loan that he never intended on applying for.
Now he is losing his house for non payment of back taxes with the 1 time option of selling it.
He has until February.
IF the house DOES sell, because of the manipulation of him having his Dad sign those papers in 2001, HE gets the money (minus, of course, the $28,000 he owes the IRS and the almost $11,000 in back taxes which, once those bills are paid and the house sells for asking price of $89,00, he’ll get a nice enough amount of money to last him probably a VERY short amount of time as he has no concept of money.)
The ONLY way this can be fought would be to have his Dad, who is now almost 92, take his son to court to prove he never really paid for the house.
The sister/brother asked why it couldn’t be HIM that would need to go to court to prove he DID pay and it’s because he doesn’t WANT to.
AND the siblings do NOT want to make their Dad go through the courts at his age so they will just let it be.
The only benefit I can see with the fact that he is a hoarder and has let the house go to Hell is that it won’t sell for that price or not at all but in the end, it really is no concern to me.
Other than the fact that I know the truth and I feel bad for the rest of his family that is involved.
As far as revenge goes, I DID make sure his siblings AND 3 sons KNEW why he left (cause I didn’t pay the back taxes FOR him) and I also let them know about the 2001 manipulation.
Of course, in hind sight, I WAS a bit fearful after I disclosed that but they WERE already aware of the fact.
I also knew about his track record with his past relationships and his family that made him the author of a yet unwritten best selling text book BOOK on Sociopaths but I guess I was the only one that did the research to officially name the cause of his actions.
I always need answers and that’s what made his runs, especially the LAST run, so hard as it was up to ME to figure out why.
Even though he straight up TOLD me, because I didn’t pay the back taxes, I STILL couldn’t understand how someone who I THOUGHT REALLY LOVED ME, could just up and disappear.
THAT’S the funny thing we ALL have in common.
THEY DON’T LOVE US NOW AND NEVER DID but it’s still incomprehensible to us!
They were/ARE…that good/BAD!!
I replied this to a person that replied to another’s post about having no real “friends”I found/find it ironic that an EMPATH and a SOCIOPATH could be so similar in this department!
Anonymous~I SO agree but was too embarrassed to type what you did so THANK YOU!
I have ALways had limited friendships for various reasons but the main one being~Whoever is my “friend” at any given time gets ALL of me.
ALL my attention.
ALL my help.
ALL my fun.
ALL of ME.
So looking at THAT~I am selfish I guess. (?)
My OTHER reason is~If I get ANY more “friends” like I already have, I don’t WANT THEM!
My socio left me 6 weeks ago after being with him for 5.5 years.
I have a VERY TIGHT BFF and a sister who I employ (meaning NOTHING other than the fact that I see her every single day for 5 hours and we don’t exchange ONE WORD is that time!)
I even live only 2 miles from her and her negative energy forced me to stop car pooling with her.
I’m the 1 that basically set up (in MY own MIND) the “silent treatment” with her.
Everyday that I’d come to work and say something, ANYthing, I’d get a grunt from her as a reply IF THAT!(?)
Granted, she’s a full blown alcoholic and can’t seem to converse with anyone without a drink but come on!~I’m her sister!!!
She wasn’t “there” for me during my mom’s battle and death with cancer 2 years ago.
WHY should she be there when my Socio left me?
In those few weeks of him leaving, my cat 17 year old cat almost died and she STILL refused to be “there” for me.
My BFF has given me the silent treatment also (I’ll explain a bit later) and she STILL isn’t “there” for me.(?)
I KNOW!~She’s got a disease which I’m all too familiar with as I quit drinking 24 years ago ON MY OWN cause I had the “disease” too but I can ONLY give her enough excuses to where I can’t anymore.
And as much as I say “I won’t let her silence bother me”, of COURSE it does!
I NEED her (SOMEone!)
I’ve lost 10 pounds in those few weeks and find it VERY difficult, if not IMPOSSIBLE, to make decisions on my OWN.
(Yes, I need some MAJOR paid help!)
Not only does she have the disease of alcoholism, I DO see many traits of her being a Sociopath too but I don’t feel it’s my “right” to label others at this time.
ONE is ENOUGH! LOL!!
Move to my BFF.
I guess that’s a KARMA call for SURE.
I reconnected with her 33 years after we lost contact and life was GREAT!
If we were gay, we’d have been a couple for sure.
UNTIL, the day, our music died.
Enter~an online profile who was soon to be my beau of 5.5 years 6 MONTHS after the BFF connection.
SO, as I described earlier, I’m NOT a good “friend” cause I can’t “share” me and she went through a LOT of things that I’m sure she would have wanted me there for more than just the 80% I sent her way cause I was with my beau.
She LISTENED to the manymanymany break-ups we had in those 5.5 years as she did with the most recent THE END but with NO input.
She NEVER called or took my calls or texts when my cat got sick and she KNOWS, I rather lose a LOT of other people before I lose him!
So, I’ve been ALONE for the last 6 weeks with one trauma into another (even if it was ONLY a trauma in MY MIND!) and I have NEVER been more alone if that makes sense.
The other people I had was my brother (who committed suicide 5 years ago this past May) and my Mom (who died of pancreatic can 2 years ago this August.)
Then again, I KNOW I really NEEDED to be alone.
Not only to give ALL my attention to my 17 year old cat (who, by the way, after $1,200 in tests has proven he is more healthy than ME but who actually TOOK ME ON as far as symptoms!
He started eating less, going to the bathroom less and why I didn’t think of it sooner is that when animals “feel” their owners feelings, they mimic that behavior.
So, he’s been mad, depressed, anxious, lonely and everything ELSE I’ve been feeling.
He WAS/IS the silver lining in ALL of this!~
It cost a few bucks but I can be at peace that he’s not going ANYwhere anytime soon!
As far as the BFF and sister~I guess they can treat me any way they want to and I can only HOPE that Karma goes back to them at some future point.
AHhhhhhHHHhhhh….the SILENT treatment!
It can get quite creepy in the room, when you are faced with ‘silence’. The sociopath, after however long of
- Attention seeking
- Deception and illusion
- Often mindless, constant chatter (about nothing at all) – usually about the sociopath
- Narcisstic rages
- Ownership and possession
Has suddenly left your life after either you called time on the relationship, or they decided that they were bored, confused, or just wanted to teach you a lesson. Usually they will say
See you around, thanks for everything. I am sure that we will both meet someone else. After all, we wouldn’t have a problem….
That is it. Bingo, they are out of your life. From constant bombardment, there is nothing. Nothing but silence.
This time is the most confusing of all. You have been constantly bombarded, and now nothing. Likely, only the day before the sociopath was declaring love for you.
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It can be tough when you have come out of a relationship with a sociopath. I wrote earlier about the five stages of bereavement, that you know that you are truly the other side of the bereavement, when you hit stage 5 Acceptance. If you haven’t read that article these are the 5 stages again.
I wrote in that article how you do not always go through those feelings in any particular order. But the final stage is always acceptance.
How do you know you are at the final stage of recovery?
You know that you are at the final stage of acceptance, when you can not only let go, you feel no bitterness. You don’t hold onto bitterness, or negative emotions about what has happened to you. Often you can see things in a spiritual context (although not always).
Most importantly, despite…
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How to heal and move on from the Sociopath, Narcissist or Abuser – The most important post I have ever written
Grateful to have found this Gratitude article!!
Are you feeling stuck? hurt? damaged? Unable to move forward? Are you reading as much as you can, which makes you understand about THEM, but still you feel this pain inside of you?
Do you want this pain to go away? To you want to get out of the mind set that the Sociopath created for you? Do you feel that they have damaged you in a way that cannot be undone? Do you feel that your life cannot ever be the way that it once was, or that you will never be the person that you once were?
If this is you, if you are feeling this way, if you are returning to this site, and many others, reading, yet still at a later period find that you are returning to the pain once again, you might be interested in this post
The truth about sociopath abuse, why it…
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Chapter ONE of my Bible to Healing 😦
At the beginning of every relationship, there are dreams. Before you meet the person, you have a dream of your ideal person, what they will look like, what things you would like to do with your ideal partner. You dream of stability, a happy family life.
In a normal healthy relationship, you talk together about your future plans and dreams. In the beginning everybody is on their best behaviour. Between 6 and 12 weeks, your true self starts to be shown. The average relationship lasts between 6 to 12 weeks. Usually by 12 weeks, you discover whether you are compatible, in your needs, your wants and plans for the future. Also how fast you want these things to happen.
Sometimes you discover that actually you didn’t have as much in common as you previously thought. Maybe there are something’s which you cannot compromise. If things are compatible, then the relationship…
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